What Next After The Betrayal? Time To Think.


Betrayal is defined differently. According to some women, it is a betrayal to send a text message to a colleague from the office outside hours, and according to the rest, you can talk about her only when your partner enters into a deep, intimate relationship with another woman. So it is simply impossible to clearly define a betrayal. Nevertheless, no one has the right to judge whose point of view is right. They are feelings and emotions – they can be discussed but not judged. After all the conversations that in the course of my research (concerning the reactions of women in response to their partner’s infidelity) acutely I felt the huge emotional price to pay for it. The research revealed conclusions that I present to you in 5 points and answer the question: what next after betrayal?

Speak and feel

Do not sweep under the rug. Don’t pretend nothing happened. Speak, name, let in all the emotions that currently sit in you. Cry when you feel the need to. Scream if it brings you relief, but think about who you want to shout or cry before. Don’t experience your drama in front of children – they won’t take it, seek support from adults.

Seek support

Women gain strength from social support. Chat with friends and family. Look for people who will be able to contain your emotions. Take into account that not every person will be able to cope with your experiences – give them the right to do so, although it will seem difficult and very unfair to you. You can join women’s support groups, you can only cry on one shoulder. It’s important that you feel safe.

Get specialized help

Many people still mistakenly believe that going to a specialist (psychologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist) for help is an act of honor. Absolutely not. At the moment when we experience very difficult situations in life, it is they who are there to provide professional help as people standing completely on the sidelines, who do not identify with you or the situation in which you find yourself.

Don’t blame it

In our emotions, we want to attribute the blame to one of the parties. Interestingly, most of the women in my study initially took all the blame on themselves, justifying their partner. Only after some time did they begin to notice that the broadly understood “fault” lies on both sides. Try not to take everything on yourself. Believe me, your buttocks, property status or hair color are not the reasons for the betrayal. The real cause is usually hidden very deeply, and it takes time to get to it.

Invest in yourself

Believe it or not, it was investing time in self-development that allowed betrayed women to get back on their feet. They made decisions on which they had so far refrained from, gathered the courage to start new ventures, started college or enrolled in various courses. It was a great opportunity for them to develop their own competences, but also meet new people, change the environment and at the same time change their perspective.

Betrayal does not mean the end of the world, although it is definitely a turning point in the life of every woman who has experienced it. He puts her in a situation where the values and meaning of faith in love, faithfulness and loyalty are discussed. The stories of women with whom I had the pleasure to talk to show that this hellishly difficult event can bring results that they would not expect in their lives!

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