You spent a lot of time together – talking on the phone and in meetings. Everything was going freely with its own rhythm. You probably kissed, hugged or went to bed. He remembered that blue was your favorite color. He said that you absolutely have to go outside the city so that your dog can run freely in the forest. And suddenly – silence. The reason for this state of affairs is not that he died a tragic death, as reported by online activities. His phone was not stolen, his grandmother did not die, he was not kidnapped, etc. The phone has been silent for a week or two and then it happens that when he rings through your head you may think that it is him and you will find out what it is. Why isn’t he calling?
I will not speak to the first one !
The day passes, the second and the third. First, you decide not to answer (and you may have stayed that way to this day). Or you don’t see anything wrong with speaking first and writing a non-binding text message. There are two options: it remains unanswered, or the answer carries two in itself, because its overtone is far from those he has given so far. I’m right, “Okay, I guess it’s over.” – you think to yourself and you start looking in your head for the reason why it happened. Depending on when the trace of it was lost – you are at the initial stage, or somewhere much further. Does not matter. If the fact that the relationship broke off in this way bothers you – this text is definitely for you.
It’s not necessarily your fault
What I have to tell you at the very beginning is that women often wrongly find their fault in such situations and accuse themselves of making a number of mistakes.
“I must have shown that I care about this relationship”
“Probably because I went to bed with him”
“I’m probably not interesting”
“He probably doesn’t like me”
The reasons cited by women usually relate to specific areas, no matter what they name them. However, they have a common denominator – they are not true. They have absolutely no influence on the fact that men do not call, stop talking. In a word, they disappear. I think to myself that it is worth taking a closer look at the most frequent accusations that women make to themselves. And explain briefly why they are unrelated to what happened.
I showed that I care about this relationship
Just because you want to spend time with someone and enjoy it is not a bad thing. One of the most irrational advice women often give to other women is “pretend you don’t care.” The word “pretend” is crucial here. Adult people don’t base their relationships on games and pretend. It definitely does not mean pure intentions and maturity to build a relationship. There is nothing wrong with showing affection and interest in the other person. And whoever says otherwise, most often gets involved in hopeless relationships. They resemble a theater play where drama is intertwined with comedy.
I went to bed with him
What’s wrong with that? If you felt like it, and he assumed he didn’t protest, I don’t see anything terrible about it. The problem may arise only when going to bed was meant to convince the other party that it is worth seeing you. It has been known for a long time that this type of “bribery” definitely does not work. So if you felt that the relationship was not promising and you decided to spend the night together to disenchant the reality … I hope it was fun!
If, however, it was otherwise, and everything resulted from desire, the desire for closeness and it came naturally, it probably did not make the victim disappear. Men are very fond of sex and access to it is not a reason why they will give up pleasure. It would be completely illogical.
I’m probably not interesting
You think so? Then let me ask you – why did he talk to you and why did you spend time together? Do you really think men are such altruists that you should spend your time making sure you’re not interesting?
“Ah, it’s not interesting, but I will meet her again to prove it.” Do you really believe it?
But I think to myself that if you thought of yourself this way, there is such a nasty little gnome somewhere deep inside you. He sends such thoughts and it is high time, My Dear, to send him on a journey without a return ticket. Oh shh!
He probably doesn’t like me
I think I’ve seen quite a bit and had enough conversations in my life to be sure that men don’t go out with women they don’t find attractive. They are visual learners, it has been scientifically proven and there is no point in arguing with it. So if you think that he was dating you to look at a woman he doesn’t like, you are wrong. I also recommend sending this gnome somewhere far away.
My independence terrified him
Women mistakenly assume that all men are afraid of women who have their opinions, views on the world, passions and who are successful, for example in the professional field. I assume that what might be a deterrent would be to keep talking about your achievements and treating the man as a ten-year plan. If you assessed its value by checking if it is suitable as a tool for its implementation – perhaps it could get scared.
However, I assume that was not the case. I often heard from men I dated that I was too intelligent for them. Initially, I saw it as an attempt at ineffective complimenting. Later, however, I came to the conclusion that if someone openly communicated that this is what he thinks of me, it probably is. Let it not sound vain – I just decided that I would not tell a man that he is too intelligent for me, is too successful, too handsome, etc. If someone cannot appreciate your achievements, intelligence, independence – this is his problem, not Your.
He scared me
Oh, I hear it all too often. Women are extremely eager to play the role of overzealous moms who overly care about the comfort and safety of a man. This is not your child, but an adult man who should be able to take care of himself. Communicating your needs, informing you that something is not right for you is normal and healthy. If someone forgets to meet you, doesn’t pay attention to you, and doesn’t respect your time – you should tell them about it. Open communication is one of the pillars of a successful relationship. Everything is just a matter of feeling.
Definitely, however, if you clearly expressed your opinion on a given issue and decided that it caused the breakdown of contact, you should accept it, it was simply an area that diverged you so much that an agreement on this matter was not possible anyway.
How is it with you? Do you have similar reasons running through your head? If so, I hope I was able to change your perspective. We’ve come to the point where it is worth answering the question: “What are the real reasons why men stop speaking?”
Real reason 1
There is no chemistry
I hope that when you think about yourself, you think: I am unique, smart, attractive and interesting. And rightly so. This is exactly how it should be, women too often think badly of themselves and treat the title lack of chemistry as evidence that something is wrong with them. Error. A man can feel great in your company and consider you a great woman. You may like it, but it may not sparkle. Lack of mutual, sexual energy between people causes one of the parties to decide not to continue their relationship, something that is beyond our control. You can be charmed by him, he can be attractive and attractive above the norm.
However, it should be assumed that our feelings / feelings do not always have to be reciprocated. It sounds, of course, terribly unpleasant and unfair, because you would like everything to go as we wish – unfortunately, we have no influence on it. And what you need to know – it’s not your fault, it’s just that the world is arranged in such a way that we only have a negligible influence on how others feel about us. It is important here to refer to the justice that we so often expect from the world and answer the question – why do you have the right not to feel chemistry towards someone, but it is unacceptable the other way?
Real reason 2
I don’t know what I want
A man who does not know what he wants is like a bewildered child in a toy store trying to choose the right one and the best. Perhaps he has recently ended a previous relationship and is stunned by the multitude of possibilities facing him. As a rule, it takes a long time for him to make a decision about wanting to be married to one woman and leaving the test phase, where he is eagerly gathering new experiences. It is worth understanding that as long as someone does not know what they want and in what form, there is a high risk of entering into a relationship that will be an emotional roller shaker for you. Is it worth it? Would you really like to prove to someone that you are worthy of their interest?
Real Reason 3
She was desperate
If we want something badly and our needs that we urgently want to meet come to the fore, there is a risk of pushing too hard. Pushing too hard is a very broad concept. However, most often it is associated with the need to obtain a quick declaration as to the direction of the development of the relationship. I would like to point out that this is often confused with clearly expressing your opinions.
In this case, it should not be associated with desperation.
Nevertheless, in case you expect total dedication and attention because you need it so badly… You may find that the other side considers it a form of desperation and will run away where the pepper grows. None of us like to turn our lives upside down just because someone expects it. We are happy to do it when we want it ourselves.
With our sixth sense, we sense people who urgently and desperately want to create, now and immediately, a serious romantic relationship. A woman declaring her willingness to get married as soon as possible is a woman who has the words written on her forehead, from which every man will run away: “I am your nightmare”. It has nothing to do with the reluctance of men to start a family. However, no one wants to feel like a participant in the reality show “The Hunt for a Husband.”
Real Reason 4
It is undervalued
Men love to compliment women, but hate to convince them that these compliments are real. Women often, instead of smiling, thank them for kind words, they immediately contradict them.
What is perceived as a need for reassurances, and thus a clear signal of lame self-esteem and attractiveness. At this point, it is worth answering the question. Would you like to date a man whom you would have to constantly reassure that he is intelligent, attractive and fun? I suppose not. Women often mistake the inability to accept compliments due to an unstable self-image for flirting and teasing. They think that denying a man’s words is an invitation to a love game. Nothing could be more wrong.
Real reason 5
It wasn’t even a relationship !
There are men who are ready to say after your first kiss that you have entered a phase of a relationship. However, I dare to say that they remain in a decided minority. The fact that you spent time together for many, however, is not a reason why he would have to officially inform you that he does not want to continue your relationship. Of course, most women find this to be, to put it mildly, rude. They take the initiative themselves, awaiting explanations. This often causes surprise among men, because nothing like that happened. It’s just that “I didn’t want to see her anymore, but I didn’t break up with her either because we weren’t even in a relationship.”
Real Reason 6
I don’t want to upset her
Yes I know. “I feel upset anyway, and even more so when she simply stops speaking overnight! Does my person really mean nothing? I don’t even deserve an explanation? ” The problem is that men are not very fond of explanations. Of course, this is not an excuse, but in my opinion it is the result of a certain social consent. It says that “men can’t talk about emotions” and “men can’t handle emotions.” By growing in such beliefs, they allow themselves not to actually focus on feelings and emotions. And not to take the trouble of talking about them. The easiest way is then volatilization, which removes from their shoulders all the unpleasantness related to the need to confront the emotions of the other person.
Real reason 7
Changed the rules of the game
It happens that women who, deep down, long for a true and deep relationship, not wanting to appear “scary”, mask their needs under the guise of being ready to make casual relationships. Often, unfortunately, their true intentions are hidden and what, for example, for a man, according to the contract, is sex without expectations, for a woman is a means to an end. These types of solutions are usually very short-lived and ineffective. Emotions quickly come to the fore and by shedding the mask you show your true expectations, which are far from the rules we have agreed together.
“I don’t want to be his friend, but it’s better than nothing because I like him a lot.” It’s really not worth putting up with something you don’t feel! Why do this to yourself?
Real Reason 8
I did not recover from my previous relationship
Just getting into a relationship with a man who has recently ended a relationship with another woman is very risky. Man needs time to come to order with himself. Often, instead of giving himself this time, he runs away from his emotions, looking for a plaster for a sore wound in the form of a new acquaintance. At first, everything may go smoothly, but unexpectedly, he may find that he is not ready. Sentiments, memories, contacts with an ex-partner and the lack of time to catch your breath do not bode well. So if at the first meeting you find out that his eight-year relationship ended three months ago – think about whether you are ready that your relationship will be at a really high risk.
How do you feel it ?
I know that when someone appears in your life and then disappears from it, you feel bad, sorry and unpleasant. You may feel cheated or underappreciated. You can take it as a form of disrespect. You are entitled to a whole range of feelings, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, I would like you not to blame yourself for everything that does not work out and look for the reasons only in yourself. Even if you made a mistake, draw conclusions from it and, richer, enter into a new acquaintance that, I assure you, will appear in some time! We often spend a great deal of time and energy trying to understand the behavior of men who simply don’t deserve it.
In a rush of emotions and needs that scream for satisfaction, we lose the ability to sift the grain from the chaff. We cannot objectively look at a man, overestimating him in all possible ways. And not all are like that, of course. However, do not waste your emotions on the wrong ones, because I assure you that in some time you will turn your back on yourself and think “why did I spend so much time on this?”, “How could I doubt myself?” – it was a waste of time! So before you invest anything in brooding, think about whether it is worth it.
I hope you can see a lot of truth in the reasons mentioned and will try to work on the situation. If, on the other hand, you feel that you are not enough and would like to delve into the topic, I invite you to the post in which we will analyze together whether you are suitable for a relationship.
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