How to recognize a toxic person? This is a question that is asked a lot. Colloquially referred to by others as psychopaths – by me rather toxic men / women, among whom, yes, there are also those with serious disorders, but most often the problem concerns those who are simply toxic and will not bring joy, love and happiness to your life. However, they bring with them quite a lot of problems. You will have to deal with them, they will extinguish your joy. And at the end of the day, your life will pay you a lot of money for this adventure. How to recognize them? Oh, make it that simple! However, I tried to gather a quite impressive set of tips. Perhaps they will give you food for thought and make you look at the matter from a slightly different perspective. Interested? So I invite you to read.
Listen to your intuition
I keep repeating that there is such a thing as intuition which tells us that something simply “does not work”. Something is wrong, something is going wrong. These are all the signals that go into your body and all the thoughts that come to your mind. You are most likely trying to convince yourself that you are probably hysterical or “thinking wrong.” And that by being a good person you are bound to be generous. Searching for good in another person and giving him another chance so that he can redeem himself. Well, I don’t think you owe it to that. If someone is behaving in a way that makes you uncomfortable … or makes you feel not what you think you should feel – consider that as a red warning light.
Watch how much you get and at what pace
Every relationship has a specific dynamic. If someone after a week declares you undying love and plans the next years of living together – brake down and summon common sense. It’s wonderful to be adored, desired and to feel the most special in the world – I understand that. Nevertheless, it’s just as wonderful to be reasonable. What’s more, to know that what is happening in Hollywood productions in which everyone is beautiful, rich and falling in love at first sight is a fiction. Miracles happen. Yes, but so rarely that it is not worth using them.
Characteristic of toxic men is that they behave as if they were equipped with a deficiency detector by mother nature. They quickly discover what you want, just to reassure you as quickly that they are the one you are getting it from. This vision is extremely tempting, but … do you really believe that you can make promises to someone after a week or a month of dating? Remember that the bill that comes to pay for your own naivety is usually extremely high.
Keep your finger on the pulse
Don’t you want to be a victim? Fine. In that case, even if you feel terribly lonely and thirsty for love … Don’t gulp down everything like the proverbial pelican. Give you time. The woman who sends the signal: “I need a lot of love (oh, nursery rhyme!) – give it to me! Now! Immediately!” is a very easy prey. Try your best to judge the situation rationally. Don’t get hypnotized, don’t be like a five-year-old girl lured with candy. Toxic men will say absolutely anything you want to hear. You will hear that you are the best, the most beautiful, the sexiest and that you are wonderful mother and wife material. You, despite the fact that you will feel a lack of sincerity in it and a clear exaggeration – you have a chance to catch it. Give thanks, but don’t take it as a declaration. Its really free, and it can disappoint you very much.
At this point, I would like to point out immediately that receiving compliments is a completely different matter. Hearing that you have beautiful eyes or that you are an extremely intelligent woman is a fantastic compliment – if expressed honestly, not overly and disinterestedly. In these over-colored pseudo-compliments of toxic men, sincerity is unlikely to be unnatural – yes. Appeal to your intuition and know that healthy men will not lead your advantages to cheap advertising absurdities, with which the only thing they want to achieve is reassuring you that they are able to fulfill your most seemingly unreal desires. Oh, a psychopathic prince from a fairy tale wanting nothing more than power over you. How do you gain power over someone? Exactly – making him feel extremely well, completely inadequate to the situation.
Do not rush
This is probably not the last day of your life or the last chance that someone will be interested in you. You may want and need something badly, but it shouldn’t blind you. Give yourself time, give him time too – it will give you plenty of opportunities to look at him in a variety of situations. It is worth checking how he behaves in the company of other people and how he reacts to your friends. Does he have a need to introduce you gradually into his world or does he say that the most important is your two and nothing else matters. This should worry you because even if it is the most important, it still functions in a world full of other people. Just.
Take a look at your self-esteem
The easiest way to get and destroy a woman whose self-esteem is lame. If she thinks badly about herself, there is nothing easier – just make her feel different to become her savior and the object of her sighs. If only with him you feel special like never before and you believe that he alone can bring you into this wonderful state of self-acceptance, then, well, one to zero for him. It is enough to quickly make you realize that without it, “you will be nobody again, unnoticed and without expression”. After all, it was he who discovered in you what no one else sees – not even you
There is no exaggeration in this. It should be obligatory to observe someone’s reactions in specific, particularly difficult situations. Don’t be afraid to express your opinion and show what you really are. Don’t be afraid to have your own interests, value system, friends, just – your life and your affairs. Even if he were to take away all the adoration that he generously gives you as a punishment. No worship is worth it!
Be alert to changes in mood
After some time, every toxic man gets bored with giving and begins to feel an overwhelming urge to take away what he thinks is due to him, i.e. the pleasure of making you feel unpleasant. Do not explain rudeness with sarcasm, but insult “a specific way of being”. If you suddenly find out that you should lose weight, laugh less, behave differently, read more … ask if he didn’t know what you are and has he just started to notice it? How could he be blind to this for so long? If he upsets you and says you are to blame for how he behaves towards you – be careful ten times more.
Watch out for penalties and rewards
You were rude so he turned off the phone for a couple of days? You couldn’t find him or contact him for a few days? Suddenly it turns out that the list of your flaws is growing by leaps and bounds? Or maybe you don’t deserve a little respect and owe it to yourself? Maybe you should get your favors by investing in the relationship properly? It doesn’t matter what you do – he’s angry and furious anyway? You learn what you are allowed to do and what you absolutely cannot do? Perhaps he is telling you which friends are good for you and which are inappropriate? Do you feel that his requirements towards you are growing and growing? Summon your mind to the blackboard, evaluate the situation for a moment longer, and if it turns out that when you look at the facts, your mind screams, “wind!”, Then wind.
Don’t be Mother Teresa
You can’t change a toxic man. Only he could do it himself, probably with a lot of support from a specialist, but he probably wouldn’t be interested in it, because in his opinion everything was fine with him. If you count on your dedication, dedication and commitment to bring him back on the road leading straight to the land where women deserve respect and love – you are wrong. The sooner you understand that you can’t fix it, the better it is for you, believe me. You can try to prove to the world that you have supernatural powers – in the end it is always your choice. What I would like to encourage you to do is take a moment and think about the consequences. Are you ready to bear them?
Listen to your surroundings
If people tell you that you look bad and start asking questions about what is happening to you, know that something is happening and it probably is not good. If your loved ones start to suggest that this relationship is not serving you, please do not accept that they do not understand the necessity of paying great, romantic love with suffering. Do not think about those who will trumpet success, because your great love has turned out to be a failure. It’s easier to experience a few mean comments from equally mean friends than to pay for years with your own health for a relationship with someone who simply does not deserve you! If he showed you his true face – nothing will change. As in point 9 – understand that you are not here to convert / heal / make him aware. You have to take care of yourself and your safety first! End and period.
At the end
What is important is objectivity, which is extremely difficult when emotions come to the fore. It is important to use these guidelines with reason and look at the person carefully, but without unnecessary overinterpretation. As in everything, also moderation is indicated here and the awareness that love does not have to be earned, just like respect – it all comes “simply”, that is, naturally. Take care of yourself.
Have you ever wondered where toxic guys come from? Be sure to check out my post as you can save a lot of pain with it. Moreover, understand.
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