“I meet another guy and I have the feeling that I am falling like a plum again. We meet for a month and I put all my energy into making it succeed this time. Of course, this backfires. And once again I sit and wonder what is wrong with me that I can not let go, but only engage my whole self in a new acquaintance, without rest and without thinking. Even if it turns out that this guy is actually average, I’m still into it. I am looking for an answer and I really have no idea why I am doing it. My only comfort is the thought that it’s not just me who is doing it. What is this all about?” What is going on?
It’s mostly about fear
Most of the women I know are driven by fear. Fear of being alone, which is mistakenly equated with loneliness. And the fear of not fitting into a certain social pattern and living differently from the rest of the women they know. Plus the fear of not meeting expectations. Fear of being “not what you should be.” How many women, so many reasons that cause fear in them. This one, as we know, has big eyes and is not a good adviser. There is still a social belief that a woman should be in a relationship to be complete and happy. Of course, good and valuable relationships have a great influence on us and make life extra blush. I emphasize – good and valuable relationships. However, in pursuit of happiness and the desire to feel complete, women often engage in relationships that will certainly not make their lives blush.
The story begins like many others – they get to know each other and start spending time together. Time passes nice and fun. And suddenly, overnight, she begins to invest so much energy and emotions in this one man that she could share them with at least five other men. Nowadays, finding the right partner is seen as a big problem. Therefore, we strive to find a solution at all costs – as soon as possible. And it will be over. Suddenly, what we really want is no longer important. We focus on getting things done right away and finally getting it over with. Literally. You do not believe?
I believe !
Because every day I meet women who are in unhappy relationships with men. They don’t deserve what they get. Women committed to repairing everything that falls apart on an ongoing basis. I will also not forget about women who are just starting to build a relationship. And they do not allow themselves to think that it has no prognosis at all and does not make sense. What are they doing this for? To finally feel happy.
It is not surprising, if it is repeated over and over again, that true happiness is only with a man at your side. In my opinion, this well-worn slogan is missing: a loving man, a valuable man, a man worthy of trust and interest. And the most important – that a happy person is one who does not make his happiness dependent on others.
Desperation on the horizon
A woman driven by fear focuses her full attention on the necessity to find a partner, because imperceptibly she has managed to believe that only in this way will her life be truly good and valuable. It is a pity that they are still filled with fear – because if something saves you from fear, then you will be even more afraid. What? That you will lose your peace guarantee.
Fears make women want to build a relationship with a man they hardly know and although they know perfectly well what partner they would like, they are ready to give it up in order to experience “holy peace”.
Seller of promises
Desiring to create a relationship that will solve the “problem”, they often choose to take the role of a seller hungry for bonuses and enthusiastically praising a medium-quality “product” in front of everyone else, and above all – in front of themselves. They fill the deficiencies with the qualities they expect and try to see in a man what he lacks, thus offering an image that he simply did not deserve. Women who feel fear allow themselves to fall in love with the utopian vision of a man, and not with what he really is – for them. They feed on words, forgetting that action matters, because words come so easily to us.
Fear and what else?
Empty buckets. Some time ago I was wondering why, at a given moment, a given man is able to stimulate a woman to a huge commitment to a relationship. As this relationship breaks down, after a while she begins to wonder: How did I lose my mind for him? And although it is difficult to find a rational answer, the level of commitment reaches its zenith with the next unsuspecting acquaintance. Then I thought about buckets.
Imagine your happiness and fulfillment are a plant. Probably if I asked you what it should look like, it would be incredibly lush and colorful. To make it so, it would have to be watered and strengthened regularly. That’s what the buckets are for. Each of us has them different – bigger or smaller.
If the buckets were the equivalent of our needs, we would like to fill the largest ones first. It is thanks to them that our plant would grow in strength. Now imagine such a situation – for example, you want closeness and acceptance very much. You meet a man who loves to cuddle and tells you how beautiful you are every day. The bucket fills to the brim, the plant grows, and you fall like a plum into a compote.
But! There are more of these buckets – there is a need for conversation, interesting and other activities. Suddenly it turns out that this particular person is not able to give it to you. And what now? It’s a pity to let go, right?
It’s a trap. If he is not able to give you what you need, and you do not give up … And you will persistently try to find out that it is enough for you to be happy – you doom yourself to torment. Sooner or later you will start to feel overwhelmed by the feeling of lack and dissatisfaction. Is it worth giving up your needs? No.
It is not worth trying to please only with a substitute. Someone in the world who can give you much more and make you really happy.
Love comes easy
Fear and screaming needs in us make us quickly engage in relationships. We want to get rid of fears as soon as possible and have peace. This is of course right, but only when your commitment makes sense, i.e. on the other side there is a person in whom it is worth investing time, energy and emotions.
Determine what is really driving you and, being aware of it, act more sensibly. A meaningful relationship that will really give you peace and fulfillment is one that doesn’t make you tired. What is real comes naturally and does not require superhuman work – otherwise, simply and simply – will not give you happiness.
Women often make mistakes. In relationships, too. I believe that each of us should be aware of them, so I invite you to the article that you can find HERE
READ THIS ARTICLE To find out more!